Dumbass's Homepage of Wonderment
Ah, welcome to my page. I hope you wiped your feet before you came in here, don't
want your common sort coming in, putting mud all over my nice, clean carpet. Who
are you anyway? Did Fabio send you? This is my webpage anyway, yes I know it's
not much, but I'll do something with it so stop your whining. Now, where was I? Ah
yes....My name's Jack, I'm an 18 year old guy from Perth in Scotland. I'm studying law
at Aberdeen University and I hate law students with a passion. I'd like to make it clear
that I disassociate myself from all law students and may they burn in Hell for their
crimes against humanity. Last time I checked I was about 5'8" and I've got brown hair
and green eyes and a hankering for eating pizza and marshmallows. My hobbies
include eating pizza and marshmallows, clubbing, drinking, scoring with chicks,
beating up guys who look like Bob Dylan, skiing, burning witches, hanging out with
friends, laughing (usually at other people) not getting caught by the police, writing stuff and listening to classic rock
music by people who aren't called Bon jovi. But Hell, why would you care anyway?
I'm trying to write a book right now, hopefully to get it published. Most of my friends
are in it at some point. If you think you should be in it then send me an email and give
me one good reason why. Ha, thought that'd catch you out! Not so clever now are
you matey? Can't think of a single one can you? Pathetic. Er, anyway, I've just
started this site so there's not much happening on it. I'll try and add some more to it
when I've got some time but until then, feel free to wonder around, pondering the array
of items I have put here for your perusal.....and then bugger off! Don't want your sort
round here do we? Go on, I'm talking to you!
Top Ten Things I'd Like To Do To A Law Student
- Make him slide down a bannister made up entirely of cheese graters - that'd really
chaffe!
- Practise some amateur dentistry using only a hacksaw, a tub of Lard and a
sledgehammer.
- Perform an interesting obedience experiment with a Rottweiler, a man saying "stay!" and half a pound of sausages wrapped around the student's love-muscle.
- Throw rocks at him. Big rocks. Big spikey rocks.
- Kill his butler and steal his wallet leaving only five pounds with him so we can see
how he likes living on Pot Noodle and Safeway Saver's bread while I eat steak and
bloody caviar.
- Leave him in a room with a big guy called Jethro and no physical form of clothing
and allow him to practice his piggy squeeeeeeeeeeeals.
- Just kick shit out of him.
- Dig a big pit outside his house and fill it with lions and tigers and bears and stuff
and listen to the girly screaming and the primal munching noises when he hits the
bottom.
- Take away his porno mags (laminated of course so the stains just wipe away) and
see how well he copes with just his imagination to spank his monkey to.
- Flay off all of his skin using a rusty razor and throw him into a bathtub full of vinegar.
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Dumbass's Musical Shitstravaganza
The Poem Corner and Lyric of The Week
Sean Nokes
- Raper of Little Boys or Selfless Carer of Children, Cruelly Defamed?
Sean Nokes
- Raper of Little Boys or Comic Genius?
Sean Nokes 3 - His Dark, Ulterior Motives Behind Wilkinson
Daleks - The fatal Design Flaw
The A-
Team Page
Tigger - Stupid Bouncing Tiger Or Stupid Bouncing Tiger, Innocent Victim of Showbiz
The Other Poems Page
Dumbass's Big Thank You Page
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